The Feminine Influencers Blog

I am not so small,

In fact rather large.

Nearly six feet. 

Everyone thinks I'm in charge.

But so much of my life 

This size causes strain.

I struggle to carry 

The weight and the pain

Of all those who think 

I’ve got it all sorted out -

Of all those who think

When you’re big 

You don’t doubt.

All the times that I feel larger than life

It really is frustrating.

It just isn't right

You shouldn’t feel like you 

will knock someone down.

How much of my life have I played it small?

Just trying to fit in

And not fall.

Into that despicable pit 

Of worry and shame

You must fit in.

You must look the same!

Life is much easier

When you play the game

Just because you feel larger than life

Or as though you could knock someone down

But when we stand tall

We can really stand out.

This week we’re connecting with the Goddess Freya. She’s a warrior goddess that knows how to use the body to create peace and transform “word wounds” into sacred aspects of our bodies. And on that note...

This astrological year we are in for a wild ride! The forecast tells us that every planet will be experiencing retrograde, which means a lot of “get up and go” and a lot of “slam on the breaks”! When we experience those moments, all of our momenta gets halted immediately, it can be devastating, and if not traumatic, extremely exhausting. As a result, it creates a lot of stress for our bodies to process. And for me recently, I WAS SOOOO DYSFUNCTIONAL!

This week, I experienced one such halt in the form of a direct threat to my safety. The experience felt catastrophic (let’s be clear, for all intents and purposes, I was totally ok). But following the incident, I couldn’t function or think straight. It was like I was...

I dare you to read this,

and hear what I say!

Can u listen to my truth—

and not run away?

It's a note about shame. 

I hate the way I feel.

So often lost in the dark and only myself to blame. 

Fat, ugly, and round. 

I hate how I sag—my tits to the ground. 

I wish I was pretty. 

I wish I was kind. 

I wish I was like all the girls with a really firm behind! 

But I'm not. 

My hips are too large. 

My pants fit too tight. 

I'm constantly wishing to stay out of sight. 

Why do you curse me—why do you doublespeak?

Why won’t you let me be beautiful and find someone to keep me afloat,

above the litany of self-doubt?

Some days, 

this voice is all I hear. 

On these days, I struggle to keep my mind clear. 

I pull my pants on that are way too tight. 

I practice being tall and pretending it's all right. 

I have to ask myself when it hurts like this- 

Who...

 This week, Saraswati teaches us to slow our words and our thoughts down. To be concise and precise because no matter what we speak, good or bad, we are creating our own realities. Well, what do I mean by creating our own realities? Let me explain: 

Over Christmas, I had a really cool intuitive drawing done. The drawing illustrated black snakes swimming at me, In fact, 46 of them! Initially, I believed them to be good. You see, I'm a spiritual individual, and snakes represent transformation, but the longer I reflected on the drawing the more apparent it became that these snakes represented my inner-critic(s).  First I heard the critique from my husband, but then I head it from my kids, and ultimately I began to realize how much I was internalizing any feedback I got. The more "critiquing" I experienced the more I realized just how much I was tolerating negative feedback in my world. But the crazy thing is, I also realized that I was motivated by all of this negative...