with KARI CALDWELL
I dare you to read this,
and hear what I say!
Can u listen to my truth—
and not run away?
It's a note about shame.
I hate the way I feel.
So often lost in the dark and only myself to blame.
Fat, ugly, and round.
I hate how I sag—my tits to the ground.
I wish I was pretty.
I wish I was kind.
I wish I was like all the girls with a really firm behind!
But I'm not.
My hips are too large.
My pants fit too tight.
I'm constantly wishing to stay out of sight.
Why do you curse me—why do you doublespeak?
Why won’t you let me be beautiful and find someone to keep me afloat,
above the litany of self-doubt?
this voice is all I hear.
On these days, I struggle to keep my mind clear.
I pull my pants on that are way too tight.
I practice being tall and pretending it's all right.
I have to ask myself when it hurts like this-